As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
