Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
