By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
My penis needs a shock collar
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
