youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
