I'd wear matching sweaters with you
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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