I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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