he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
