Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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