i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
