my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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