I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
