man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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