I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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