Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
