oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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