Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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