well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
