Your dad touched me again.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
