I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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