Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Randomize
