so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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