I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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