Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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