did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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