i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
You pole danced in your parka.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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