Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
