i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
