3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
