Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize