can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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