Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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