I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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