i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
