Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Randomize
