Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
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