I CAN MOONWALK!
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
