you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
