Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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