thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
