I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
