Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Randomize
