I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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