Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
