No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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