Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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