I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
