ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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