I puked a lego.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize