I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
