Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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