shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
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