Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
