i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
