I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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