well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
