So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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