Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
