she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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