Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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