so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
