last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
