grandma shit on top of the toilet
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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