I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
