I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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