just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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