went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
