I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
He literally asked permission to hit on me
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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