i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
my poor anus
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize