how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Randomize
