If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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