Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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