I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
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