I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
