Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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