no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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