Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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