Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
