i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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