5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
So here I am, sexting at work.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
