are you still at the devil's house?
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
