Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
