Plan B is the new Plan A
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
