i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
