Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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