i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize