we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
