I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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