I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
