Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
