I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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