Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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