DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I need a beard to bite.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
