Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
