I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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