We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
i now understand why vodka
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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