Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
