He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
