I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
