White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
false alarm, still single
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
