Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
