I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
