I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Less talking, more tequila
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Randomize