Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
