I just saw a hot homeless man
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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