I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I wish there were birth control emojis
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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