i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
You need a sexual gate keeper
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
