So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I have post one night stand depression
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