just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
