somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
My Sexting was not on an AP level
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
