Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
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